8 Things to Know About Actual Aliens
It's All Real
By John Carter · June 9, 2026 · 9 min read
By now, you’ll have seen headlines reporting Congressional hearings about “Unidentified Anomalous Phenomena” and “Non-Human Intelligence.” Some astrophysicists have reported (potential) biosignatures in the atmospheres of exoplanets, while others have found a widespread population of apparently orbiting objects in astronomical survey data acquired before the launch of Sputnik. Then there was the recent hysteria over the anomalous drones buzzing New Jersey, which was probably nothing, but (as usual) not every sighting has been explained.
You’ve heard Trump tell Joe Rogan that he’d been shown some weird stuff which he would be releasing in due time, you’ve heard Vice President Vance say he’s obsessed with UAPs, and you’ve heard dark hints about information obtained in Sensitive Compartmented Information Facilities from others within Washington’s political elites, such as Majority Leader Steve Scalise, Representatives Tim Burchett, Eric Burleson, and Anna Paulina Luna, and former Congressman Matt Gaetz.
Recently Trump stated that he would instruct the government to begin releasing its UFO files. Shortly after that, the domain name of aliens.gov was registered, with no explanation given. For some time this returned nothing, but recently began returning a broken SSL certificate, which is apparently what a website shows before going live.
Caption: it’s not like I’ve been refreshing aliens.gov for weeks now.
Recently the admin released hundreds of files relating to UFO sightings on war.gov/ufo, suggesting that aliens.gov was indeed meant to serve as a portal for declassified documents pertaining to UAPs, but then they thought better of the name. Either that, or it’s intended as a portal for processing remigrants.
You probably haven’t paid much attention to this. You’ve got better things to worry about, like inflation, housing, immigration, sexual dystopia, yet-another-Middle-Eastern-war, the nice ladies at human resources, and AI eating your vocation. That’s for the best, really. Taking an interest in this subject is unhealthy. All that said, what should you know before diving into the documents at aliens dot gov? Keeping in mind, of course, that the site hasn’t gone live yet, I haven’t read a word of them. Source: it was leaked to me in a nightmare.
1. It’s All Real
Everything all the crazy people say about Non-Human Intelligence is true. NHI is space aliens from other planets in the solar system, other stars in the Galaxy, other galaxies in the universe, and other universes; it is time-travelling people from the far future; it is hyperdimensional ultraterrestrials from orthogonal timelines; it is sky-gods that came down in flying saucers to found civilization; it is angels from Heaven, it is demons from the Pit, it is evil spirits left by the unquiet dead, and it is sanity-eating eldritch horrors from the all-devouring empty night beyond time and space. It is all of these things at once. Superluminals constitute a class of horrendous profusion that includes every kind of entity that you can imagine, and what is much worse, every kind that you can’t.
Ever notice how the people who talk about NHI in public all seem a bit off? A little squirrely sometimes? That isn’t accidental, because…
2. They Drive You Mad.
The Lovecraftian stuff about being driven irrevocably over the edge into madness simply by contact with the entities is pretty much just the exact and simple truth. Madness is an occupational risk of exposure to NHI. Even knowing about these entities is an informational hazard, let alone knowing for sure that they are real. Knowing they’re real is the first step in summoning them, you see.
That’s the reason governments all over the world cooperated to maintain secrecy around NHI, upholding a general agreement to avoid any public validation of the idea of the very existence of NHI. This agreement is much older than you know. It goes back to before the Babylonians, before the Egyptians, before Göbekli Tepe. Knowledge of NHI increases contact potential; higher contact potential means psychologically unprepared people being driven quite completely mad by the interactions that follow. The elaborate secrecy built into incident investigation, craft retrieval, and contact operations was a deliberate psychological buffer to hold off an alien invasion we were defended against only by our ignorance. Religions developed partly to serve a similar function.
Fortunately, you’ve already had your brain twisted by a sequence of media psyops throughout your entire lifetime. This seems cruel but it was deliberate, and believe it or not, it was for your own good. That was training, you see. It’s made you all a bit crazy and miserable, yes, but it’s also made you – some of you, at least – mentally tough. You’re going to need that to avoid having bites taken out of your sanity by contact with ayyy lmaos.
3. The Government is Aware But Clueless.
No one in the government knows what to make of them either. There are just too many documents, and it’s all just too weird. They’re as helpless to figure it out as you are. This is a Hail Mary pass, understand. They’re hoping more eyeballs on it will help figure the mess out before the little green men drive the species over the cliff.
4. They are Psychic Parasites.
Scientologists are actually kind of correct when they say that people have psychic parasites attached to them, which cause them to do nutty things so that they can feed on the emotional energy it provides. These entities are natives of hyperspace and so in the same ontological class as aliens. Unless you’re quite exceptional, you probably have several of them feeding on you right now. Pretty much everyone does.
5. Their Ships are Mysteries.
Documents are being released, but the good stuff stays under lock and key. We understand almost nothing about how these recovered devices work, in most cases we do not even know how they were supposed to work or for that matter what they were supposed to even do, and what little we have understood has gotten good men and women killed. To a certain degree,this is because the technology is too far advanced beyond our own: we’re like bronze age silversmiths trying to divine the principles of nanolithography used to etch the integrated circuits of a smartphone. However, it’s also true that compartmentalization of information flow within the UAP research programs introduced numerous inefficiencies. There was no way to relax the research secrecy protocols without general public disclosure; disclosure invites immediate invasion. You see the dilemma.
In any case, the call was made, and what’s been done is done. Aliens are officially real, and that official reality will pull them into real existence.
6. They Could be a Conspiracy.
It’s possible that this is all a psyop cooked up the Freemasons, the Illuminati, the Bilderbergers, the Council on Foreign Relations, the World Economic Forum, the Gnomes of Zurich, the Vatican, the Opus Dei, the CIA, Madison Avenue, and of course and especially the Jews, all of whom are very real and all of whom are either now (or were at some point in the past) up to their eyeballs in all of this and usually towards nefarious ends.
Maybe the whole thing is an illusion. The apparitions in the sky are holographic projections. The contact experiences are drug-induced hallucinations. The documents were generated by AI. The alien artifacts are elaborate props whose supposedly deadly properties make them the new holy of holies behind the Tabernacle’s curtain, as real as the Wizard’s big green face. All of this is nothing more than elaborate theatre, just like the Apollo program, but this time for an Ozymandias ploy to unite mankind at once and for all time with the most convincing of all universal religions, a production which has been under preparation since before Babylon. Back in the 70s, so it’s said, Wernher von Braun warned that They would try exactly this, after nuclear annihilation, climate change, plague, and meteor impacts failed to unite everyone. Project Bluebeam, the simulated alien invasion, would be the final play.
Maybe. You’ll never be able to know for sure; no one will. We’re counting on that. Since ignorance is no longer in play, disbelief is the next best thing. Maintaining the cognitive architecture of conspiratorial skepticism towards consensus reality is now a key defensive bulwark in our planet’s psychic fortifications. We’ve preemptively deployed multiple closed epistemes within the culture to precisely this end. Flat Earthers are some of our best work: it doesn’t matter that we’ve admitted that they were a psyop, because they won’t believe us, and therefore their minds are as shielded from direct interaction with mind-eating abominations as they can get.
7. They Will Have No Impact on Your Life
Technology isn’t going to surge ahead thanks to immediate miraculous breakthroughs from reverse engineering UAPtech. That stuff is a tough nut to crack. In the meantime you still need to eat and sleep and work, and so does everyone else. The Sun still rises and sets. Girls still get driven crazy once a month by the Moon. Winter and the taxman still come around once a year. Reality expanding to include NHI doesn’t make the rest of it go away. Reality is still there, with all the old familiar problems of poverty and crime and immigration, and it still needs to be dealt with. The comforting knowledge that the universe is populated by an infinite number of demonic horrors which live inside thought itself is just one more thing you have to deal with.
8. You’re Supposed to Ignore Them.
We’re mostly hoping that you have so many more pressing matters of importance to deal with right now that you largely ignore the entire subject. Since ignorance is no longer an option, and not everyone can be trapped within a closed episteme, the best we can hope for is general disinterest. That’s why we’ve made sure to provide a social environment which is as threatening as possible. What with the economic upheaval, epidemics, drugs, crime, war, social decay,etc. You’ve got lots to worry about, and if that all gets to be too much to deal with, then we’ve prioritized the development of electronic entertainments for a very good reason. Burying your head in the generative slop-bucket at every opportunity is now your patriotic duty, citizen, because if algorithms are saturating your neocortex with model effluvia then at least you aren’t using it to accidentally summon a mind-eating horror from beyond reality.
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