Most Women Would Be Incels

CULTURE

OMG I would totally be the female Worst Boyfriend Ever!!

By Worst Boyfriend Ever · July 8, 2026 · 6 min read

My job is to meet women from the internet, have sex with them, and to write about it on Substack. There are a lot of women who have this job, but I think I’m the only guy. Nobody gave it to me, I just started doing it and now it’s self-sustaining. I call it the Infinite Pussy Glitch: when you write about having sex with women online, other women reach out, wanting to have sex, which just gives you more sex to write about.

I get this a lot, from the girls: “Your life is so awesome, if I was a guy, I would totally be doing the same thing.” By ‘the same thing’ they aren’t just referring to the sex: I also live in a van. I’ve got a bed built into a van which I sleep on when I’m too broke for a hotel room. I’m a homeless traveling sex pest.

OMG I would totally be the female Worst Boyfriend Ever!! Shut the fuck up, no. You’re in college. You have no passion. You have secrets you’re afraid to tell to your friends. You can’t even subscribe to my blog publicly, you don’t have the balls. You’re sober. You’re Asian for fuck’s sake. You wouldn’t even be able to look your female self in the eye. You’d jerk off to humiliation dominatrix porn, you’d have a gambling addiction, you’d get nothing from women, you’d get really into lifting and it wouldn’t even help because you don’t have that fire inside, you’d try mewing but it wouldn’t work, you’d play League of Legends on Discord, you’d develop a parasocial attachment to your favorite e-girl streamer who will never know your name.

In other words: you’d be a fucking incel.

Some of them are literally incels, already, in their female form, because their standards are too high. A Princeton, an Asian 7 with a decent body, had never been kissed at 24. “The guys who I like don’t like me…”

You wouldn’t even have the balls to pay for sex, even with all the money in the world, it's “too cringe.” I hope you found someone else to slap you in the face as hard as you wanted and needed from me. I hope your therapist actually looked into my blog when you told her about it. I hope she reads, I hope she’s still following and gets this in an email digest. I hope she sees the same issue with you that I do: you have no passion. It’s not the world’s fault, it’s yours. Don’t get help -- help yourself. That is what it takes to stop being an incel.

Others would be incels because they’re whores. There was this one girl in New York, Anita, who sucked my dick in a dressing room during a poetry reading, who seemed to take it as her God-given mission to fuck every single guy on earth. Fat guys, broke guys, guys who smell like cheese. Guys who her “boyfriend” knows well, from the other side of this locked door, in public on a random Thursday night. She had first seen me 20 minutes ago and I’m not even hot. The male equivalent of Anita develops a porn addiction so severe they go years without leaving the house. She sent me a text message of her crying face the next day, in regret, thinking it would move me because that’s how you get away with shit when you’re a woman. Omg, please don’t tell my boyfriend, omg, I’ve had the worst day ever.

And I could not help but think: God, the male version of you would be worthless.

Not all would be incels. I’ve met a few gems. Just this week, actually, I met a girl with a surprising level of agency. She’s a millionaire at 21. She didn’t go to college. She’s a professional e-girl who’s really good at it. She posts and sells hot pictures of herself but never gets fucked and never posts hole.

She started streaming at 13. She noticed that the videos where she wore thigh-highs in the shot beneath the keyboard did a lot better than the ones without. She leaned in. She didn’t try to fit in, she just suffered and made that fucking money. No ego, it is what it is. She hires Filipinos to chat with the retarded pay pig men who get sucked into her goon spiral. Soon she won’t even need the Filipinos, she’ll have AI. She doesn’t run her own socials any more, she has an agency do that. She’s under 5 foot tall and her breasts are barely C’s but online she’s cartoonishly sexually attractive. She’s one of thousands of female Claviculars, who saw an opportunity to break free and took matters into their own hands.

This whore was focused, and stayed in her lane.

But most girls aren’t like that. Most girls I meet have this inexplicable urge to simulate what it would be like if they were a guy, how easy it would be to find a partner or get laid, and the resulting output is some fairy tale advice like this:

“Dude, it’s so easy, just take her to an Omakase place!” (and also look like the big jacked rich white Fred Flinstone motherfucker on the right…)

You are not a fisherman, you don’t know how to catch fish, you are the fish. Omakase could work if you also degrade her the whole time and just-barely-hide kiss marks on your chest from the girl you fucked the night before, and you actually did fuck a girl the night before, and she can smell it, and that’s what it takes to make the girl you take to an Omakase restaurant understand that you don’t need her, which is what in her stupid fucking bones actually turns her on, and you wouldn’t know this unless you went through so many girls you finally get it, as a guy, but you’re not, so you don’t, you have no idea what it’s like on the other side, the other sex constantly gaslighting misleading you because that’s how they fucking filter for men who are not so easily tricked. I take nothing women say about dating or sex seriously because they don’t know, they really don’t know.

The word incel no longer has anything to do with sex. Whether you’re a fisherman or a fish, the world is separated into two groups of people: those who get what they want and those who don’t. Stop waiting or projecting: don’t try to be the “female version” of me, you can’t, in fact you probably don’t even want what I have. Stop telling me what you “would” do if the universe dealt you a different hand. The universe gave you a pussy and a phone: go figure it out. I need to go find a place to park for the night.